When do you go for it and plan to meet? More importantly, when do you put the brakes on and politely decline?

Trust in Gut

You’ve been contacted by someone that piques your interest. They have a nice picture, it seems to align with their stated age and they have a great smile (no absence of teeth). They enjoy their career, they’re geographically desirable and you have a remarkable number of common interests. Their profile was well written; you laughed at least once, and it only had one common spelling error. You respond, and after a few email exchanges, it progresses to the next step. Phone numbers are shared to test the “conversation chemistry” and hopefully plan to meet.

You chat for a few minutes and they say something that doesn’t sit well; you let it slide. Then it happens again; maybe it was an off-color remark, a disdainful tone when they spoke of an immediate family member or it was a glaring contradiction to their profile. Whatever occurred, it caused that feeling in your stomach, not necessarily sick, but you certainly felt off. That’s your gut telling you something important so listen up.

Sometimes we choose to ignore those feelings on the off chance they’re wrong. My experience has proven, without fail, those gut feeling are right; most of us simply want them to be wrong.  Specific to online dating, ignoring my gut has lead to some pretty bad decisions and even worse dates. I’ve had first and last dates with a bigot, a sex addict, a married man (he accidentally checked divorced), an anti-Semite (Adolf who?), and a wallet-less man crying in the drink I bought him. So now when I get that feeling in my stomach, I don’t question what I had for lunch, I’m listening!

Just this morning I received an email strengthening my faith in gut.  After a year-long hiatus from Online Dating, my friend got back on the keyboard. It read; “I’m back on Match. I had a horrible date last night! I had a feeling about this guy when we talked but I thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. What a creep! I should have trusted my instinct.”

Instinct, gut feeling, vibe, energy, sixth sense, that little voice; call it what you will.  It’s our internal GPS and it won’t send you in the wrong direction. It may take the long route to your destination but you’ll get there eventually, and arrive safely.


There’s an abundance of research and science supporting the brain-stomach connection. Want to learn more? I did, and found some interesting articles and books.

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