As the wife of a police officer, holidays were just another day. I’d stay home with my step-kids while the police officers were busy saving the public from themselves … handling traffic accidents, arresting drunks, and generally doing whatever they could to keep the peace. My job was simply to nut-up and feel I was doing my own small part to help keep the peace.
I would spend Christmas watching classic movies and New Year’s Eve watching Johnny Carson or Dick Clark. The world was one big party, but I might just as well have been a single person; I was home eating bowls of popcorn while the kids slept.
Years later, as a single person before online dating, how I spent a holiday was up to me. But, I still wasn’t having a “rockin’ New Year’s Eve.” Eventually, I found the courage to go to parties alone – but they were never as fabulous as what I thought I had been missing all those years.
As I evolved and became a “well adjusted” single person, I found myself declining invitations more often than not. There were years when I HAD to be alone, then many years when I CHOSE to be alone. During those times, I did my best to convince myself that I was fine spending those holiday evenings alone, without a date.
The truth is that all those years, I actually enjoyed my life as a single woman. In my heart, however, I still dreamed of being on a date with a Cary Grant-type, enjoying champagne, a gourmet dinner, and a fabulous, romantic evening.
Jokingly, I used to call Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and Valentine’s Day the “Single Person’s Depression Trifecta”; if the first two holidays didn’t send you over the edge, there was always Valentine’s Day to finish the job! I was never depressed, but I often felt like I was the only person on Earth who was alone.
Wisdom and experience are wonderful gifts. I have come to realize that I prefer being alone to being in the company of boring people or drunks. Today, I think watching classic movies at Christmas time is a decadent treat. And I LOVE the fact that my inbox isn’t filling up as even spammers are taking the week off!
The truth about self-growth is that now, I genuinely love not having to go anywhere I don’t want to, whether or not it’s a holiday. I have finally, genuinely, embraced my situation; no lying to myself, no wishing I was somewhere else. Sure, I still hope to meet my “Cary Grant.” I fantasize about us spending December 20th through January 5th on Maui, playing golf and having one incredible romantic evening after another. But, short of that, I’m incredibly happy.
This past holiday season, I had fun parties to attend on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. By the time New Year’s Eve rolled around, I was partied out. I did some work, I watched “Song of Bernadette” for the 20th time, and then I bleached my hair and my tile floors, simultaneously. I was so motivated to take advantage of the peaceful evening that I even dusted my china cabinet and everything in it. It was a blissful day off. Being a single person never felt so liberating!
When Jodi told me she’s busier now than ever, I knew why; it was clearly the result of the single person’s “depression trifecta.” The good news is this is a great time to make an effort to find love. Online dating is a great way meet that special someone. As I discovered, you may have several first and last dates, but if you truly want to meet someone special, you have to leave the house!
Don’t let Valentine’s Day complete your “Trifecta”. Once you learn to be a happy single person, the doors to finding your perfect mate will open because you WANT to be in a relationship, not because you NEED to be!
Robin Jay is an award-winning author, speaker, publisher, and filmmaker. She is not just “The Queen of the Business Lunch™,” but is a Business Relationship Expert who shares the nuts-and-bolts of building profitable business relationships.
Robin’s award-winning book, “The Art of the Business Lunch ~ Building Relationships Between 12 and 2” (Career Press) is in twelve languages worldwide. She is also a contributor to “Chicken Soup for the Wine Lover’s Soul.” Her latest work is “The KEEPER of the KEYS” – the first FUNNY personal development movie, which stars Jack Canfield, John Gray, and Marci Shimoff. Her goal is to empower people everywhere.